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 Reva's journal

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Asch
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PostSubject: Reva's journal   Fri Aug 12, 2011 2:07 pm

Augest 12
100


Oh, the joys of my mother in one of her moods. She jsut decided to make us cclean today, though i am now where near in the mood to clean. my isster pissed her off, again, so she is pissed already and my room is clean, and vaucumed from when i did it last night, but, she made me do it all over again....
yippee...

Then yesterday, the dentist...it could be good or bad....and it was bad. They made my gums bleed and almost glued my inner lips to my teeth! So the pain killers i take, put me in a mood, and that is i don't really feel like doing anything.

I have my bf on my mind...yet even if i do wantto tlak about him no one here listens or gets it. we got that connection that married people have...but no one understands because he's 19, i think he turned 20 in june but anyways, it shuodln't matter.
hell, i made him laugh when he handn't even smiled in a month in a half....

and then returnes the cliny disease of boyfreindbrain...

So my brother jsut threw a tapemesure at me...time to go see if i am bleeding.


~Reva

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PostSubject: Re: Reva's journal   Fri Aug 12, 2011 10:46 pm

945pm

I AM WARNING ALL:
DO NOT PISS ME OFF


as i turns out, a really good frind got her heart broken by some jacck ass ad you really want to kno what i feel like doing? sending him to pluto, and make him die! mor info later lol

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PostSubject: Re: Reva's journal   Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:26 pm

Augest 14
11.15am


*sigh* lets see, 10 times tears have tallen down my face in the past two days up till now.
my parents cna't get the fucking clues to leave me the hell alone or let me have my freedom before school starts this comming thusday....
I have overly lost it by now. and i9ts not like i have anyone to talk to but my sisters that get what in the hell is going on in my messed up live.
I have a wonderful guy, but i have no contact with him outside of the sight we met on, and with his mubsyness its not like i have a hange to tlak to him like i would love to.
But, i don't know
that connetion makes me smile for no reason even if i am down in a bad mood. i re dread out convosation over and over to cheer me up......
TO be honest he took overa corner of my mind an won't let it go.

Between him, my sisters, my real family and freinds... my life shoudl be a movie, it has the drama, action, suspence, romance, anyhrting else you need ot make a top reated film.




Till later....
Love you A~


WOw...look at that spelling..

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PostSubject: Re: Reva's journal   Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:43 pm

942
my herat hurts, and i want to cry. i want to jsut curl up in a dark corner and cry. i and just in such a mood that it isnt' even funny. my parents are pissed at me, again, and i do not know why and they have thrown me over the edge..if i had the paence i i owould say more....

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PostSubject: Re: Reva's journal   Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:14 am

910am
Augest 15

my sister ran with her two firndsto go get one of them her pjs form where she lives a few houses down and then my parents noticed they were gone and then they freaked out
we got them home and then my dad yelled at them and my mom, even though i had just been running, was relling me to "Calm the hell down we have them home" (what she sad)
so i went to my room becase everyone was freaking out and i just kind of lost it and called a really good freind who is almost like my sister, her name is Jess. (her email is the other one that is usually in these emails)
She talked to me for maybe a half hour on the phone calming me down so i wasn' t crying so hard i was shaking then my dad piccccked up the phone so i got off after relling Jess i was getting off
and he an my mom ccame into my room and startd telling me i had jsut pulled the same thing as my sister did.....
AMy eyes are red, a little swollen and sore from ann the rying last night, and i am just really depressed today. i do not wanto do anyhting, and i feel like dying.
and I know i can't, alex would be so sad....

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PostSubject: Re: Reva's journal   Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:22 pm

921pm



On the bright side, i didn't cry more then twice today, and my keybord on my alptop should be fixed soon...

on the bad, side, i have thoughts eating at me....

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PostSubject: Re: Reva's journal   Tue Aug 16, 2011 10:29 pm

925pm
8/16

dear mom and dad,
you make me cry more then a 14 yr old should, you make me so unhappy when i wantto tlak and you brush me off,. you make me feel like i mean nothing to you. you make me feel like i shouldn't even be here....

Dear Alex,
i am so happy i have you in my live,
i would not know what to do if tyou weren't there for me to help me pick up the peices of myself and put me back togather an love me.
i am sory to say thigns here aren't well, and i am not happy and that i am sorry i can't talk to you on the sight beccause of it and i feel rreally bad.
I feel my heart break anyday i go with out rtalking to you.
I love you so much, i couldn't bare to loose you.


well, how is that for letters that will never be sent?
now, all that is needed to be added to them is the "sorry but i had to leave" for a suicide and everyhting would end. but,
i cannot do that to alex, so i will not even try it. it would kill him inside nand out. i am sorry.

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PostSubject: Re: Reva's journal   Fri Sep 02, 2011 7:44 pm

6:27
9/2/11

Lets see... school sucks. there is really nothing i am doing that is relevent or hared, i keep waiting for 9th grade to get hard.
Today marks the eight day that ALex has sighed on and even longer since i have talekd to him. i think he is piulling away, but thn again there is N...
ANyway.....
I really do not know why i am even talking anymore. I am a semi-mute as well, no reason to really talk anyways....

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PostSubject: Re: Reva's journal   Sat Sep 03, 2011 10:33 pm

September 3rd
My parents have successfully pissed me off yet again. Why do i have to clean my 12 year old sisters room?! Its not my room. Goddess. They need to stop favoring her and let me do my own thing when i am in a mood.
My weekend sucks, my friends either ditched me or deserted me, leaving with out a good bye.
My boyfriend...i do not know anymore. i know he loves me but he needs to show it. and i and sounding like a love stuck 14 yr old. but, when you meet someone like him, and he loves you for you, not just because your broken and falling apart it means something.
If i could tell him somthing i would tell him:
YOu are my everyhitng
You keep me walking when i cannot move
You make me smile when i have nothing to smile about
YOu make me happy becasei know you won't desert me
You i know care for me becase you tell me you love me every chance
I may not be your age, but you know
That i love you, and need that support. Please come back to me. I won't live with out you. I can't...

I have fallen inlove with a new song that he didnt' give me but makes me think of him, its on repeat right now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZmvJknzLfU

I nto be held in his arms, to know that someone cares more then my careless parents.I want a hug that means more then, i an hugging you. I want to be held when i cry so i know your there for me. I want you to know that no matter what, I am here for you.
Everyday i do not talk to you, i worry more and more. TO the point of going insane until someone tells me "Your alright" and aren't dead somewhere with no chance of that hug or to ever speak to you again.
I am temped to message him with

"You know that girl that means so much to you that you love her forever? She is dying inside little by little everyday with out you."

I WILL NOT hurt you ever, not like you hurt me because i can't stand you in pain of any kind, especially if i caused your pain. I would not be okay with that it would hurt me to see you hurting. More then ever.
I have lost nearly everything already, and i cannot loose you.

I can loose my self in a since thuoght of our conversation. I can smile when i am crying imaging your arms round me, and you telling me its alright. that i will be alright and you are here to hold me togather.
wow, i have been witing this for a half hour...
I heped pick your broken peices up off the floor and put you back togather then you helped me. You have my heart, please Keep it safe. If you don't... i do not know how to put my broken hert back in so please, take care of it for me.
I love you, so much...Please come back to me.

My friends are another God fucking story. Long story short, I have my sisters Jessica, Ceecee, Courtney, Lilly, and.....My friend Morgan and Allie and My older brother Joe and Jess's fiance Josh...THAT IS IT AS FAR AS I KNOW!


~Reva

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PostSubject: Re: Reva's journal   Sun Sep 04, 2011 8:30 am

September 4th

So, granted i am the only one up and its 7:13am we are going someplace today. My parents are dragging me down to Merle and Diana's for "labor day" celebreations. Yea....No. I hate it there. I do not want to go anywhere today.
On the bright side, my freind Allie will be able to be come with us.
That still makes me feel like staying home but no one will listen to me anyways, so its pointless to talk to them. ANd, i have to tell people i am a Semi Mute.....Oh, crap.I do not wantto do that either.

AFTER
After the songs Alex gave me i like the band Secondhand Seronade. the song Fall For You and Its Not Over and Broken and Maybe.
Its like they are how i feel and i do not really do emotions, i bot tel them in until the bottle breaks and i run and hide to cry and come back when i am okay. I pretend to not have a heart because i do not want it hurt, well, Alex knows i have one. I just hope he doesn't break it because i will never be the same if he does....
Yeah, i know i talk about him and the effects on me a lot but i would never hurt him like he hurt me. Everyday i feel my heart break just a little more than it did the day before. You can always tell when he is on and so am i and we are talking. I drop everything else because he takes and needs my attention. He needs to know juts how much he means to me.
Again, i sound like a 14yr old teen blinded by love but i mean, i can't help it. He's too sweet for that. He is too understanding and nice and protective....No one would do what he has done if a girl didn't mean a lot to him.

No moron or idiot would be so mean as to learn a girls situation like mine, a person who is broken, and take that kind of manipulating advantage of someone like me and then also tell Jess and Cher that I really mean something ot him. People on the inside aren't' like that.

My worst fear riight now, Loosing his love, loosing him. I have lost everyone else, i ca't loose him. Not right now...
I would shatter and be irriplaeable. No guy wants a broken girl. THen again all the guys actually around her are idiots. Blind and stupid by sports and popularity.
ANYWAYS
I feel like i am ranting....

I love you Alex
~Reva

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PostSubject: Re: Reva's journal   Thu Feb 09, 2012 10:50 pm

Wow...can i say that. I lost Alex along time, i was so hurt after that no one has any Idea. I then got a man named Zack who I lost since he was never on to talk to and kept loosing contact information.
Things jsut suck.
My father is an abusive drunk, my mom is having problems with him and all he does is get mad at me.
My mom and isster are having medical problems...
My little brother doen'st know what is going on.

I've cried myself to sleep I don' know how many times becasue the pain get so bad, and hits so deep that i just do.It actually makes me sick.
I'm olny looking for one person roumored t obe the one who can help me...his True Name is Ren...if you know him...let him know Asch is looking for him.

I've lost so many people over the last few months I'm ALL alone...

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PostSubject: Re: Reva's journal   Sat Feb 11, 2012 12:33 pm

So....today i thought I'd write a letter to someone though they might never read it. Her name is Lumanee.

Dear Lumanee,

I know we don't talk much. I'm sorry. I can understand that your having hard times with the twins and Dan and if your in school and working. I hate not talking to you like I used to. You were one of my best friends! You were one of them I thought I would never loose...
I guess i was wrong.
I'm sorry, that I don't talk to you...or that things have been bad so only your other "besties" are those who you role play with for security...
I thought i was one of those, but apperently I'm not. I'm sorry if you can't trust me, or think that I'm too young to understand. I would love to tell you what has been going on with me, and i wish i could...but...
okay i don't know.
I cry as i write, because you meant a whole lot to me. you were like one of the older sister I won't ever get a chance to have...
I know things are Tough...but know
I'm always here to talk to you.

I don't really care what happens,
I still love you like my older sister...

~Asch

P.S. I won't ever stop thinking of you as my older sister.

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PostSubject: Re: Reva's journal   Sun Feb 12, 2012 6:53 pm

Now...I know no one reads this...but...

I love it here, i really do. I created it, because I wanted a place...and now i got it...but...people here...
I love a lot of them, like my siblings. Like older sisters or younger ones...I hate...Hate purely hate not being able to talk to those. It takes a lot...with my abusvie father and mother and their issues...for me to trust someone....
I guess I learned my lesson...to not trust people.
I won't say who, but there are some people on here that i lost...and really hate that I did. THey were a few of my best friedns....

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